Tomorrow my oldest turns 16. I am excited for her. I feel some heart tugs remembering the chunky infant, curly haired toddler, sweet young girl and now grown young lady that grew up in what feels like a 1 sec snap shot video of the last 16years. But I am enjoying this phase of her life.
I am reviewing the last 16 years in my mind with memories of trying to get her to sleep, dropping her off at kindergarten, helping her with homework, talking her through friendship troubles, encouraging her through sports and countless sleepless nights and wondering if I was doing this motherhood thing right.
Like all mothers I am constantly assessing my motherhood performance. ” I did that right.. Well done… ugh, epic fail… I am sure she hates me… I am the best” The thing is, this isn’t a performance and what she needs is me. She needs what I bring to the table as a unique mother. My idealistic dream of what type of mother I was supposed to be belongs in a movie.
I wished I had done some things differently: been more patient, laughed more, spent more time, listened more… but what I really wished I had done is trust myself more. Lily and my boys were born to me for a reason. We are here for each other. They have a purpose for me and I them. So, the best mom is the mom that I show up as Kelly, in all her glory… for better or for worse.
Lily is a thoughtful, smart, beautiful, hard-working, incredible girl. She has learned from me and her dad; however, she is her own person on her own path. I hope I have taught her to trust herself, learn from life, move forward, and find joy in life. I am so proud of her. Happy 16th Birthday sweet Lily!!