The current situation we are in of physically being separated has pushed me back into writing in my blog. I have written topics, blurbs and ideas on several pieces of random paper. They are in my car, purse, night stand and my journal. One day some or all of those ideas will make it to the blog. But today what is on my mind is human connection… real connection.
The part I enjoy most about my profession is connection. I spend a lot of time connecting with parents, caregivers, and children. I do this through eye contact, listening, putting out a certain energy and physical touch. We have temporarily lost this and so I am feeling disconnected. I have an aching emptiness as I miss the families and children with whom I have built a relationship. In an effort to safely connect, we will be doing telehealth, but providing physical therapy via screen feels like a shell of what I do. But maybe it can be a new type of connection that deepens our relationship.
As for my family, the connection is growing. However, the path has changed from spending time at the beach, playing sports, and managing the routine of the day (school, bedtime, projects). The path now is more focused with the comfort of our activities removed. It is about really listening to eachother, managing emotions, learning boundries, vulnerabilities and respect, and quite honestly, sometimes it is painful: short tempers, misunderstandings, more exposure to each person’s personality, sadness that makes everyone uncomfortable, sensitivities, arguments. There is beauty too: siblings loving on each other, stories told, old memories shared, laughter, and love.
I have also observed that computers, phones, ipads, gaming devices have also been double- sided. They have been a potential way to connect but in some aspects we have been on them more with less intent. When there is school, sports, music lessons, etc. there was less time to fill with electronics and screens. Now, it has become a primary way to “connect,” but I don’t feel connected. Maybe this is where true connection can start, in the absence of it. Why don’t I feel connected?
I love Brene Brown’s work. I have learned that true connection is intertwined with vulnerability and courage. She describes connection as “the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” This statement implies that first I must see MYSELF, listen to MYSELF, and value MYSELF, and that I do this free of judgement. I connect the best when I honor these aspects for myself. I haven’t been doing this, which means, I probably haven’t been doing this for others.
The current circumstances have shown this to me. I have been lost in fear, confusion, sadness, mistrust, and anger. These feelings are not positive, feel good, or full of sunshine, so I have not really acknowledged them or asked for help. What I have done is dismiss them and say that everyone feels this way, “learn to deal with it,” so it has come out sideways. For example, in the form of a fight with my husband, over Easter baskets. It was stupid and I feel bad, but as I think about it now, it helped me move forward. Really, it provided a platform for me to learn about connection. It reminded me to stop playing the part of joy for a bit and learn that sadness, anxiety and anger have value. (You know, like the movie Inside Out). I needed a reminder.
Real human connection is about feelings. It is about sharing feelings of joy, disappointment, wonder, sadness, satisfaction, anger and affection, all of it. Because when we think about it, every time we tell a story, look for advice, share our opinion, the connection comes from an understanding. That sound of someone’s voice, the look in their eye, the body language, the energy that says “oh yeah, I get you” or “I hear ya sister.” I am going to go watch Inside Out now and read some more Brene Brown as I reconnect with all sorts of things during this pandemic that has taken away how I really want to connect. I will also go hug the shit out of my kids and husband, and the best place to learn real connection is with family.